terça-feira, 11 de fevereiro de 2014

Can I borrow a kiss ? Don't worry, I'll give it back *

   It feels good, but better than good, it feels so damn RIGHT.
The feeling of actually being cared about, going to bed knowing that someone out there is thinking about you. You can meet loads of people but when you find that one person that you can just be yourself with, you know that you're staring at the one person in this tiny world that will make you the happiest you can be.
  It would take me a lot of time to describe everything I feel when we're together, even the silent moments have some sort of special meaning. All the jokes, the both of us messing around about God knows what, the hugs ( Oh Lord I miss them  ), every kiss, the tickles ... I love every bit of all this.

He turned out to be that Best thing I've ever Had <3

sexta-feira, 24 de janeiro de 2014

This is the start of something beautiful .

When nothing seemed to work out and when I felt like there was nothing I could possible do , you held me as tight as anyone has ever held me before. You touched my face and told me that it was going to be okay. And all of a sudden a kiss came from God knows where, I felt weightless, skydiving, nervous, scared, overwhelmed, happy ...
You gave me strength, will, courage. You gave something that I've been lacking for a hell of a long time, something that came to fill all the allow and empty spaces that fill my body and soul - you gave me love !!! 

terça-feira, 7 de janeiro de 2014

2014 will be a year of changes *-*

First of all I wanna wish you guys a Happy New Year :D
Soooo ... My life has changed a lot in the last couple of months -  my relationship ended, I joined a band ( aweeeeesome *-* ) and now the best/weird/akward/scary part - I think I'm falling in love again :s

I always had this "thing" for a friend of mine, I never really saw him as more than just an amazing friend, although since I ended my relationship I realised that he actually meant more to me than I had ever thought.
  We spent a lot of our holidays speaking to each other and I guess that the fact of me being a little bit more "exposed" made me feel "different" towards him.
This is actually really scary, I love everything about him, he's like the best person I've ever met, humble, sweet, honest, loyal, makes me feel good about myself , gives me strength....
It may sound weird but even while being with my ex, I never felt such a strong bond with him, as I feel with this guy now .

My life is so tricky.

sexta-feira, 22 de novembro de 2013

you're doing it the wrong way.

I honestly couldn't remember the last time that I cried myself to sleep, but today it happened.
I'm so sick of treating others as a priority and then being treated as an option.
This whole week has been a total mess, and today I guess I couldn't handle it anymore.
I try so, so hard to do everything the right way, but I don't see any rewarding for that.
I'm mad and disappointed.

terça-feira, 19 de novembro de 2013

Good old days*

"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up".

quinta-feira, 3 de outubro de 2013

The turning point.

Hey there .
It's been a long long time since the last time I came here, and thankfully my life suffered a huge change since then.
A few months ago I'd spend the days at home snuggled between the sheets trying to forget or  ignore everything that was outside the door. I had a sence of emptiness as if I had lost something but I couldn't really tell what it was.
Now, a couple of months later I can honestly tell that I'm a new, happy and "positive" woman. Coming to college did give my life a turn and a meaning.
    At first it was all really "shady", I was now living in a city where I didn't really had any contact or friendship with anyone - new school, new class mates, new system, new city, new house ... everything was so damn different from what I was used to deal with in my every day routine.
    I'd cry myself to sleep in the first couple of nights, I missed my parents, my house, my old school, and all the people I left behind - nothin' seemed to make any sence.
Then it started to change. I met my class mates and I thought - "they're pretty cool actually."- Everything started to come together and I realized that HERE is where I belong. As I previously said, the thing that hurted me the most was leaving my old life behind, and now as ironic as it might sound I never felt so good and happy about it.
Being able to start over and leaving all the ghosts and mistakes from tthe past behind is exactly was I needed to do. My life was finally "still" and I had control of it, I felt "THE CAPITAIN" for the first time. I had it all planed but  .... then he showed up.

Daisy Sullivan
A- The girl next door.

quinta-feira, 4 de julho de 2013

3:00 am chat.

 It's 03:00 am and I'm sitting in my bed, wanting to fall asleep but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. I need to talk with someone and this is the closest to a friend I have at the moment.
I feel so stupid - crying in my living room over God knows what and complaining about my life when it could be way worse. What the hell is happening? Is this the effects of going out every night and seeing people in love or just my feet hurting like hell plus me trying to discover a way to walk without "breaking the water bubble" ( if that's even an expression, I'm really loosing it right now).
I need my people near me , I really don't know what I am doing. Why am I crying? Life seems to be so kind to me and all I do is point negative things about it.
I don't feel good about myself. When I go out I feel like the real me is not good enough and I put a smile on my face and put on the character of the " smilie girl" , I tell jokes and make fun of the tiniest thing ... Then I come home and I feel bad and most of the times cry because I'm actually sad about myself. This role play is making me feel numb and my self-steam is definitely shattered.
What do I do? Lock myself at home and never leave? Go out and put it all out so everyone can see my weaknesses? I feel way to insecure to "open up" to other people.
Honestly, there are times when I think if I'll ever be able to be the joyful me, the girl that didn't had to deal with her problems, because I didn't had any and I still don't. It just seems that I'll never be The Girl, no one looks at me and thinks : "she's amazing" , I need to hear this, I need to feel appreciated.
I feel too fat, too ugly, too dumb, too stupid, too this, too that .... I just don't like myself.
I honestly feel that unless I lose weight, do something about my posture or just the way I act I will never fit in. Having my friends telling me that " stop saying that, that's not true", doesn't help me, it just makes it all hurt even more, because they know I'm the one who's right, they just say it to make me feel better.
The few people I loved in life run away , found their way without me and I look back and wonder if they going away was my fault.
I need to turn this around.